If you’re just starting to explore neurodivergence, it’s a broad subject. It includes lots of different ways that brains can work, like ADHD, autism, anxiety, dyslexia, or dyspraxia.
Everyone’s brain works differently. That’s what makes each of us unique.
It’s really important to talk about these things with care and sensitivity because the words we use can change how people feel about themselves.
It’s important to be careful with the word “neurodiverse.” Sometimes people use it to describe one person, but that’s not quite right.
Neurodiversity is about the wide range of human minds and the unique ways we all think and function.
We should avoid using “neurodiverse” to mean “different from me, the neurotypical person.”
The truth is, everyone is part of neurodiversity, because every single brain is different in its own way.
This small but powerful shift in how we use words helps us to be more inclusive and have more thoughtful conversations about neurodivergence.
Neurodiversity – the amazing mix of all kinds of brains in the world.
Neurodivergent – a person whose brain works differently from what’s thought of as “typical.”
Neurotypical – people whose brains work in a more common way.
An individual cannot be neurodiverse.
An individual who is not neurotypical is neurodivergent.
Many autistic people prefer to say “I’m autistic” instead of “I have autism.” That’s because autism is part of who they are – just like being tall, having curly hair, or being left-handed.
But the most important thing? It’s up to you. You get to choose the words that feel right for you. And if you’re not sure yet, that’s okay too.
Sometimes people say things like “mild autism” or “severe ADHD.” But that’s not really true or helpful.
Brains aren’t simple like that. One day you might be coping really well, and another day the same thing feels super hard—maybe because you’re tired, stressed, hungry, or not getting the support you need.
It’s a bit like saying someone is “a little bit pregnant.” You either are, or you aren’t. What changes is how much support you need at that time.
Neurodivergent conditions are not fixed. They can look different at different times in a person’s life. Challenges and strengths may shift day to day and also around key life milestones.
The level of support someone needs can be affected by things like:
whether they have access to a diagnosis,
early intervention and understanding,
reasonable adjustments being made,
puberty and hormonal changes,
big life transitions such as starting school, moving to college, becoming a parent, or starting work,
menopause and ageing,
stress, tiredness, hunger, or being unwell,
sensory issues such as noise, light, or smells.
You cannot be mildly, moderately, or severely diabetic or pregnant—you either are, or you are not. Neurodivergence is the same.
What changes is how much support is needed at a given time. With the right understanding and adjustments, people can be included, supported, and valued at every stage of life.
We have chosen to use identity-first language. For example, saying “autistic child” rather than “child with autism.”
Many autistic adults prefer this because they see autism as an intrinsic part of who they are, much like having blonde hair or being left-handed.
The same applies to ADHD and other neurodivergences. Some people proudly call themselves “an ADHDer” (a person with ADHD) or “AuDHD” (someone who is both autistic and has ADHD). These are examples of self-identifying terms that people choose for themselves.
Unlike illnesses such as cancer or diabetes, autism cannot be “cured.” It is not something someone “suffers from” or “lives with” in the same way as a disease.
Autism is simply part of a person’s identity and the way their brain works.
If you are speaking to neurodivergent people, be led by their preferred terminology. If in doubt, ask them. The most important thing is to respect individual choice. If someone tells you the language they prefer, always follow their lead.
When children are denied access to early intervention, diagnosis, or medical treatment, their rights are being denied. Without this recognition, many children miss out on the support they need at the most important time in their lives.
Having a diagnosis can be really important. It can:
give access to the right support,
help others understand your needs,
and most importantly, build a strong sense of identity.
Screening can help flag possible differences early and point families, schools, and professionals toward further assessment. But diagnosis is what opens the door to recognition, legal rights, and in many cases, medical treatment.
Too often, people are only offered a needs-based assessment. The problem with this is that it looks only at what someone “can’t do” or what services think they “need,” instead of recognising their identity and rights as a neurodivergent person. Screening can also play an important role.
Screenings don’t give a full diagnosis, but they can help flag possible differences early and point families, schools, and professionals toward further assessment. This makes it more likely that children will get the right support sooner.
A diagnosis is more than a list of difficulties. It helps explain experiences, validates identity, and ensures that support is rights-based, not just needs-based.
For some people, diagnosis is also essential for medical treatment. For example, if you have ADHD and want to try medication, you cannot access it without a diagnosis. This means that long waiting lists or refusal to assess can directly block people from getting the help they are entitled to.
Diagnosis can also help identify co-occurring differences. Many neurodivergent people may also experience other neurodivergences (such as ADHD and autism together, sometimes called AuDHD), physical health conditions (like diabetes or epilepsy), or mental health challenges (such as anxiety or depression). Recognising these differences early means better, joined-up support.
It’s important that screening and diagnosis are framed positively by clinicians, families, and schools. That doesn’t mean pretending it’s easy and there will always be challenges and harder days. But when neurodivergence is explained as a natural difference, with strengths as well as struggles, children, young people, and adults are more likely to feel proud of who they are and to access the right support.
ADHD
Think about a teenage boy who knows he has a hard time focusing, sitting still, and keeping organised. He might recognise ADHD in himself, but without a diagnosis he can’t access ADHD medication. Teachers may think he’s “lazy” or “not paying attention,” and at home there may be constant battles about homework or chores.
Now imagine a teenage girl with ADHD who presents as inattentive rather than hyperactive. She may be daydreaming, forgetful, and struggling to keep up, but she works hard to mask her difficulties by copying friends, staying quiet, or pushing herself to “fit in.” Because she isn’t disruptive, teachers may overlook her struggles, and her exhaustion builds silently.
Without the right support, both the boy and the girl are denied access—not only to adjustments and medication but also to recognition of their real needs. In many cases, this can lead to mental health challenges (like anxiety, depression, or burnout) and sometimes physical health difficulties caused by chronic stress and exhaustion. Worse still, they may find they simply cannot cope in school anymore and end up missing out on their education altogether.
Autism
Now think about a child who is autistic but doesn’t yet know it. At school, they find noisy classrooms overwhelming, avoid eye contact, and prefer routine and structure. Teachers may misinterpret this as being “shy,” “defiant,” or “anti-social.” At home, the child may come across as anxious or withdrawn, and parents might feel unsure how to help.
Some autistic children also mask—copying peers, holding in their stress all day, and then melting down at home where they feel safe. Without support or recognition, this cycle can lead to mental health struggles such as anxiety or depression, and sometimes physical health issues linked to long-term stress. Over time, the constant pressure may mean they cannot cope in school anymore, leading to absence or exclusion, and missing out on education.
With screening and diagnosis, the child and family gain understanding. Teachers can offer quiet spaces, use visual timetables, and adjust communication as an example. Parents can connect with support networks and resources. Most importantly, the child learns that they are not “broken” – they are autistic, and their way of experiencing the world is valid. They don’t need to be “fixed.” They need people to understand them and to have strategies that help them feel safe and supported at home, in school, and as they grow.
A diagnosis means they are also protected by law:
The Equality Act 2010 protects autistic and other disabled people from discrimination and requires schools, employers, and services to make “reasonable adjustments.”
The Children and Families Act 2014 (in England) gives rights to education, health, and care support through the SEND system.
The Human Rights Act 1998 and the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (UNCRPD) also protect the right to basic healthcare, as well as the rights to inclusion, dignity, and participation in society.
The medical model sees disability as a problem inside the person — something to be treated or “fixed.” This is where terms like “mild,” “moderate,” or “severe” come from, which focus only on deficits.
The social model of disability sees things differently. It says people are disabled not by their differences, but by the barriers in society.
A wheelchair user isn’t disabled by their chair — they are disabled by buildings with stairs and no ramps.
A neurodivergent young person isn’t disabled by their brain — they are disabled by a world that refuses to adapt, won’t provide diagnosis, or denies them their legal rights.
Denying diagnosis, intervention, or support is itself a barrier and a form of discrimination. The social model reminds us it is society’s responsibility to remove these barriers so every person can be understood, included, and respected.
This can feel like a lot to take in, but one thing is certain: you are not wrong about your child. Parents know their children best, and needing extra support does not mean you have done anything wrong.
Neurodivergence is simply a different way of being. What children, young people, parents, carers, and adults need is recognition, understanding, and the right support. Every person deserves to feel valued, included, and understood.
It’s also important to remember that diagnosis is a choice. If you or your child do not want a formal diagnosis, that is okay too. Many people choose to self-identify, and that choice should always be respected.
